Lara's motherhood story - Loss, life and lessons
When we found out we were pregnant with baby number 2 I could not believe the words coming out of the doctors mouth, “Congratulations, you're pregnant”. Why? Because 6 years prior my husband was diagnosed with an aggressive form of non Hodkins lymphoma and had to go through 6 rounds of chemotherapy. We were never meant to have another baby.
The fact that I was pregnant for a second time was a miracle within itself. After my husband went into remission we thought about going through the process of IVF, we had frozen sperm prior to my husband's chemotherapy, but for us it was just too expensive. We were already blessed with one child - our daughter who at almost 3 years of age was diagnosed with moderate autism. We decided to forget about IVF and put all our attention on our newly diagnosed daughter, Allegra. In that moment our focus was on her. We had just accepted we were only meant to be blessed with one child.
The years passed and we had both just accepted it, however, I think deep down we both wanted another baby.
2014 was a year that should have been the happiest year of my life, but it ended up being one of my hardest. I was 34 weeks pregnant when my world was tipped upside down.
In November of that year, my husband collapsed & passed away suddenly due to a heart condition; something the doctors say may have been caused by the cancer treatment he had received years prior. I felt completely lost.
My baby Harrison was about to enter a very different life – one that felt like a nightmare.
I was angry with the world for a long time, even though there was so much to be positive about. Becoming a widow at the age of 33 was definitely not in my plans, but destiny placed me in this position and it has taken almost three years since my husband passing away to realise that sometimes, I just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens.
Speaking of destiny…If I wasn’t already on the autism journey with my daughter, my son may have gone undiagnosed. It was only because I knew some of the red flags for autism from Allegra’s journey that made me listen to my gut and get him assessed and diagnosed early. I have spent many nights trying to work out what I am going to do next.
But when you’re a single mum and raising two kids with autism, it is absolutely impossible to plan too many years in advance let alone months in advance, that is just how living with autism is. I know my motherhood journey is different to many others but despite everything I’ve been through, despite being a single mum of two autistic children, I wouldn’t change one single thing. They really are my motivation.
Before having kids I was a graphic designer, I love being creative. I am a lover of photography and also love sitting down and reading a good book when I get the time!
Motherhood in 5 words: Crazy, full on, challenging, amazing & emotional.
Fav family friendly place: Our local park
Coffee order: Chai Latte
Blog: Life with a dash of colour
My name is Lara I am a sole parent (widowed) raising two kids with Autism. This is all about blogging our journey, sharing our reality, embracing neurodiversity and Autism acceptance.
This is a place where you can connect with Melbourne mothers to share the good, the bad and the topics that we don't talk about but really need to.
Join the hood.
Share your motherhood story.