Jordy's motherhood story - Redefining myself
Letting go of Mummy guilt and finding what makes me happy.
When I found out I was pregnant I felt as though my life was finally starting. I would finally get everything I ever wanted - A husband, a baby and the life I had always dreamed of.
What I didn’t realise at the time was how fundamentally having a baby would change me as a woman. I truly believe, that each time I gave birth to my sons, I went through a process of rebirth myself. I was evolving as a mum and a wife and a woman and although it was exhilarating it was also confusing. I had to redefine who I was and what it was that made me happy.
Surviving motherhood one coffee at a time? Join the hood at Motherhood Melbourne for real stories, connections, mama-friendly events and oodles of goodies. It's FREE and it's for Melbourne Mamas.
I consistently had this feeling of it’s not quite enough, I want more. I want more success in my work life, I want more children, I want more romance in my life, I want more financial security – you get the picture. I was never just happy. What I have realised very late in life is that no one or no thing is responsible more my happiness……I am.
Self care and self love are concepts that I think Mum’s sometimes put in the back seat and think to themselves – I’ll get to that but I have other things to put first. Kids, family, husband, work, friends, the list goes on. But the truth is if we don’t start with prioritising ourselves first, then we get burnt out.
Now I’m not saying that we as Mum’s we throw our hands in the air and say “to hell with it I’m going to be selfish!" There is a balance here and a delicate one, but we as Mum’s really do need to let go of some of the 'mummy guilt' and start doing things for ourselves. We can only be the best version of ourselves if we are looking after ourselves first.
I have a lot of the weekend to myself without my boys and a lot of friends say to me - "oh that’s heaven - some you-time!" The truth is I really struggle with it. The the first few weeks of this arrangement all I did was sit on the couch, cry and eat my feelings. Which of course only made me feel worst about myself.
After about 2 weeks, I'd had enough of the self pity and with a lot of self talk, slowly started to do things that I didn’t feel like doing but I knew would make me feel better. So I started simple, walking along the beach. Just that one activity made my feel so much better and then the rest of the weekend was a little bit easier.
Don’t get me wrong I still cry and I still miss my family desperately but with the one task of walking it is getting a bit easier. Oh and just a side-note mum’s - If you make a promise to yourself to do something like this, don’t break it. You wouldn’t break a promise to your best friend, so don’t let yourself treat you that way.
Will Smith recently posted a story on Instagram and he hit the nail on the head. YOU and you alone are responsible for making YOU happy. My whole life, I have had the expectation that someone else or something else will make me happy. If I just get married, my husband will make me happy, if I have kids, they will make me happy, if I get a better job that will make me happy, if I had more money I would be happy. All lies. Putting those expectations on people or things is not fair and will ultimately lead to disappointment. It’s not their job to make you happy.
You are the only one that can make you happy. So get out there, find yourself and GET HAPPY! Only you can make this happen.
And you CAN make it happen.
I love tennis, walking, the beach. I am a teacher in a wonderful special needs school in Hampton. I am driven, passionate about mums looking after themselves and self care/self-esteem.
Motherhood in 5 words: exhilarating, tiring, beautiful, blessed, tough.
Fav family friendly place: Half Moon Bay (Brighton).
Coffee order: Weak latte, one sugar.
Biz: Resilient Mummas
A platform for mums to develop their EQ and resilience. Also to equip them with the tools to help their kids become more resilient.
The information in this story is a unique and personal reflection of the writer's experience. If you have any specific questions about any medical matter you should consult your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. If you think you may be suffering from any medical condition you should seek immediate medical attention. You should never delay seeking medical advice, disregard medical advice, or discontinue medical treatment because of information on this website.